Discussing money in a new relationship can feel daunting, but it’s one of the most important conversations you’ll have. Money affects so many parts of our lives, from how we spend our weekends to how we plan our futures. Avoiding the subject may feel easier, especially when things are new and exciting, but building a lasting connection means getting real about the finances. Here’s how to approach money talks early in your relationship, in a way that keeps things open, honest, and—yes—romantic.

1. Break the Ice on Money Talks Casually

Instead of diving in with numbers and spreadsheets, start light. Look for ways to bring up money naturally. Maybe you’re talking about your dream vacations, your favorite restaurants, or what you’d do if you won the lottery. Try starting with questions like, “What would you do if you had a million dollars?” or “Do you believe in saving up for big things or just enjoying the moment?” These casual questions give you both a feel for each other’s perspectives on spending versus saving without the intensity.

2. Share Your Values, Not Your Balance Sheet

Early on, it’s less about “How much do you have in savings?” and more about understanding each other’s money values. Discuss what financial security means to each of you. Ask about each other’s goals: Do you value experiences over material possessions? Are you saving for a house or aiming to be debt-free by a certain age? Sharing values gives you a peek into their financial habits and goals without prying into their bank account specifics.

3. Be Transparent About Your Money Story

We all come from different financial backgrounds, which shape how we view and handle money. Let your partner in on your own money story—maybe you grew up in a family that was frugal, or perhaps financial security has been a constant struggle. By sharing, “Hey, this is how I learned about money growing up,” you’re creating a foundation of trust and empathy.

If they share their story, too, listen with an open mind. It’s easier to understand financial differences if you know where they come from.

4. Discuss Debt Openly

Debt is a huge part of most people’s lives, but it’s often the topic we’re most hesitant to bring up. If you feel like the relationship is headed somewhere, consider gently discussing your relationship with debt. You don’t have to pull out a spreadsheet, but mentioning whether you’re paying off student loans, car loans, or credit cards can build transparency. Ask them their thoughts on debt without diving into specifics, like “Do you think debt is okay as long as you can manage it, or do you prefer staying debt-free?” This allows you both to feel safe sharing and avoids any “gotcha” moments later.

5. Keep the Conversation Positive and Judgment-Free

Conversations about money can get tense, especially if you have different viewpoints. Try to approach these chats with curiosity and understanding rather than criticism. Avoid labeling their habits as “bad” or “wrong” if they differ from yours. For example, if they love splurging on hobbies that seem excessive to you, ask, “What do you love most about spending on that?” rather than, “Why would you waste so much money on that?”

Keeping a judgment-free environment encourages openness, making it easier for both of you to be honest about your priorities.

6. Talk About Goals Together

Discuss your financial goals as a team. This could be saving for a trip, a big purchase, or just feeling financially secure. When your financial goals align, or you make plans together, you’re building a sense of shared responsibility and excitement. Even early in the relationship, simple goals like “Let’s both save $200 toward a trip next month” or “How about we start cooking at home twice a week to save some money?” create a sense of partnership.

7. Respect Privacy (It’s Still Early!)

While transparency is crucial, there’s a limit to how much financial information needs to be shared early on. No one is obligated to lay out all their assets, debts, or spending habits immediately. Remember, talking about money early on is about getting on the same page rather than scrutinizing each other’s finances. You’re not signing up to be their financial advisor but to understand their money mindset and its compatibility with yours.

8. Check In Regularly but Keep It Light

Financial goals, habits, and mindsets can shift over time, so keep these conversations ongoing rather than a one-time thing. Every few months, check in casually with questions like, “How are you feeling about finances lately?” or “Are there any goals you’re working toward now?” Just as you’d talk about work or health, a quick financial chat now and then builds a sense of normalcy around money conversations.

9. Plan for Future Financial Milestones Gradually

Once you’re more comfortable with each other and the relationship is serious, bring in the big-picture talks: sharing expenses, saving for a shared home, planning for long-term goals. You can work toward shared milestones as your relationship progresses, but introducing these too soon can create unnecessary pressure. Instead, drop in small hints or dreams: “One day, it’d be amazing if we had our own place…” to gauge their reaction and timing.

10. Celebrate Small Wins Together

Money doesn’t have to be all about caution and planning. Have fun with it! Celebrate small financial wins as a team, like reaching a savings goal for a date night, cooking a fancy meal at home, or finding a great deal together. This creates a positive association with financial conversations, reinforcing that money talk can be empowering and rewarding rather than stressful.

Final Thoughts

Talking about money early in a relationship may feel awkward, but it’s one of the most valuable steps toward building a healthy, long-lasting partnership. By making the subject safe and positive, you’ll understand each other’s financial mindsets better and gain a sense of mutual respect. Plus, sharing money goals and dreams deepens your connection, creating a foundation that can support you through both the exciting and challenging financial milestones of life together.