So, you’ve found yourself with a partner who’s not exactly showering you with hugs and kisses on the regular. Maybe you’re the type who thrives on physical touch and verbal affirmations, while your partner seems perfectly content with a high-five after dinner. Fear not! There’s no need to panic or feel unloved. Here’s how to navigate the tricky terrain of having a less affectionate partner—and still keep the sparks alive.

1. Know Their Love Language

First things first: everyone expresses love differently. Your partner may not be one for cuddles, but they might show affection in other ways—like fixing things around the house, helping you solve problems, or spending quality time together. Learning about love languages can help you recognize how they are expressing love, even if it’s not the way you naturally expect. Once you crack that code, you’ll see love in the everyday things they do.

2. Talk About It (Without Making It Awkward)

Communication is key in any relationship. Gently bring up the topic, letting them know how much affection means to you without making it sound like an interrogation. Maybe start with something like, “You know, I love it when we’re close. It makes me feel connected to you.” You might be surprised to learn they weren’t even aware you were missing those little moments of affection.

3. Lead by Example

If you want more affection, sometimes showing it is the best way to get it! Instead of waiting for them to initiate, start being more affectionate yourself. A quick kiss on the cheek, holding hands while walking, or even a playful nudge can encourage them to return the love. Slowly, they may become more comfortable expressing affection in ways they weren’t before.

4. Don’t Take It Personally

Not everyone grew up in a household where affection was abundant. If your partner is less touchy-feely, it might not have anything to do with how they feel about you. It could just be how they were raised. Remember that their affection style is not a direct reflection of their love for you. They may love you deeply, but showing it physically might not come naturally to them.

5. Find the Humor in It

If all else fails, laugh about it together. Sometimes, humor is the best way to bridge a gap. Maybe they’re like an affectionate cactus—prickly on the outside, but with a soft heart. Create a playful inside joke about it, and you’ll soon find the tension around the issue melting away. Laughter brings people closer, even if you’re not physically hugging at the moment.

6. Set Realistic Expectations

If your partner just isn’t the touchy type, it’s important to set realistic expectations. No relationship is perfect, and while affection might be lacking, there are probably other areas where they shine. Focus on their strengths and appreciate what they do bring to the relationship. Maybe they’re a great listener, super supportive, or your go-to person for advice. Balance is key!

7. Make Requests, Not Demands

Sometimes, your partner just needs a little nudge in the right direction. Instead of making demands like, “Why can’t you ever hold my hand?” try making gentle requests. “I’d love it if we could cuddle tonight,” or “It would mean a lot if you gave me a hug when I come home.” When phrased kindly, they’re more likely to respond positively.

8. Give Them Space to Grow

Change doesn’t happen overnight. If your partner isn’t naturally affectionate, they may need time to adjust. The more pressure you put on them, the less likely they’ll feel comfortable opening up. Give them space, be patient, and celebrate the small wins. If they go from zero cuddles to holding hands during a movie, that’s progress worth appreciating!

9. Compromise is Everything

In any relationship, compromise is essential. Maybe they won’t turn into a full-on cuddle monster, but they might be willing to meet you halfway. Find a middle ground where both of you feel comfortable. It’s about making adjustments for each other while still respecting each other’s boundaries.

10. Find Other Ways to Connect

Physical affection isn’t the only way to feel close to someone. Emotional connection, shared experiences, and quality time can be just as meaningful. Plan fun activities together, take an interest in their hobbies, or create new traditions. Building emotional intimacy can often make up for the lack of physical affection.

Final Thoughts: It’s All About Balance

Having a partner who isn’t naturally affectionate doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It’s all about finding the right balance and appreciating the ways they show love, even if it’s not in the form of constant hugs and kisses. With understanding, communication, and a little humor, you’ll find that love is everywhere—sometimes in the most unexpected places!

So, the next time your partner passes up on a cuddle session, don’t sweat it. After all, love isn’t always about holding hands. Sometimes it’s in the way they remember how you like your coffee, or how they always listen to you vent after a long day. Keep the love alive by embracing the little things!