So, you’ve fallen for someone who’s got the emotional walls of a medieval castle. They’re kind, maybe even fun, but when it comes to talking about feelings or getting real, it’s like they’ve vanished into thin air. Dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner can feel like trying to hug a cloud—close, but not quite there.

First things first, let’s break it down and find some solutions (without losing your sanity in the process).

1. Don’t Take It Personally—It’s Not You

Let’s be real here. One of the hardest things about being with an emotionally unavailable partner is not feeling like it’s all your fault. But here’s the truth bomb: it’s not about you! Emotional unavailability often stems from personal experiences, upbringing, or past trauma. They may have been taught that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness, or they’ve been hurt before and now protect themselves with an iron emotional shield.

Think of them like an onion (but without the tears). There are layers there that need peeling, and it might take time to get to the core.

2. Communicate Your Needs—Like, Really Talk

You know how easy it is to assume that your partner should just know how you feel? Yeah, that doesn’t work here. With an emotionally unavailable partner, direct communication is your best friend. Be clear about your emotional needs without sounding like you’re attacking them. Try something like, “I feel disconnected when we don’t talk about what’s going on inside.” This approach can open the door without making them feel cornered.

But remember: subtle hints are not their thing. Be honest, be open, but also be patient.

3. Patience Is a Virtue (But It Has Its Limits)

Okay, we’ve all heard that patience is key, right? While that’s true in relationships, it doesn’t mean you should wait around forever. If your partner is willing to work on their emotional availability, then by all means, give them some time and space to grow. However, if you’ve been trying for ages and nothing seems to change, it’s time to reassess.

Be patient, yes, but don’t let it turn into waiting indefinitely for something that might never come.

4. Lead by Example—Show Vulnerability

Here’s the thing: sometimes emotionally unavailable people need a little nudge in the right direction. And what better way to do that than to show them what openness looks like? Share your thoughts, your fears, your dreams. Be the emotional leader, so to speak. When they see that being vulnerable doesn’t result in disaster, they might just follow your lead.

It’s like when you try a new dish at a restaurant, and your friend cautiously takes a bite after watching you enjoy it. They need to know it’s safe to dive in.

5. Don’t Play the Fixer—You’re Not a Therapist

You might feel tempted to fix your partner, thinking you can be the one to open the emotional floodgates. Spoiler alert: it’s not your job. Relationships thrive when both parties work on themselves individually, not when one partner becomes the other’s therapist. So, resist the urge to “solve” them.

They need to do the emotional work on their own. Support them, but don’t become their personal counselor. You deserve a partner, not a patient.

6. Set Boundaries—Because Your Feelings Matter Too

Here’s where you get to take care of yourself. If your partner’s emotional unavailability is starting to drain you, it’s time to set some healthy boundaries. Maybe you need to step back from deep conversations until they’re ready. Or perhaps you make it clear that certain emotional needs are non-negotiable.

The key is to be firm yet kind. Boundaries help maintain your emotional well-being, so don’t be afraid to draw some lines in the sand.

7. Seek Support—You’re Not Alone in This

Talking to friends, a therapist, or even an online community can be incredibly helpful when dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner. You’ll realize that you’re not alone, and hearing other people’s stories may even give you new ideas on how to approach your own relationship.

Plus, venting about your partner’s emotional Houdini act with friends can feel oh-so-good (just keep it respectful).

8. Know When to Walk Away—Because Sometimes You Have To

Look, this part’s tough, but it needs to be said. If you’ve tried everything, and your partner remains a stone wall, it might be time to ask yourself a hard question: Can I stay in this relationship and still feel fulfilled? Emotional connection is key in a relationship, and if it’s perpetually missing, it’s okay to walk away.

You deserve someone who meets you emotionally and makes you feel seen and heard. So if it’s not happening after all your efforts, it’s okay to put yourself first and move on.

9. Celebrate the Little Wins

Lastly, if your partner does show even small signs of emotional growth, celebrate that! It’s a journey for them, and if they’re making the effort, acknowledge it. It could be as simple as them opening up about a tough day or talking about something that makes them anxious. These little wins add up, and they can pave the way for deeper emotional connection over time.

Final Thoughts Dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner can be a challenge, but it doesn’t have to feel like running into a brick wall. With patience, communication, and healthy boundaries, you can either help them grow or come to terms with what you need in a relationship. Remember, love is about partnership, and it takes two people showing up emotionally for it to truly work.

So take a deep breath, put on your emotional armor, and remember that you’re worthy of someone who shows up fully—heart, soul, and all!